Okay, after 5days i am completely drained of energy.
Not even one full day of sleep after adding up
the number of hours that i sleep.
It was unexpected and definitely not what i wished for.
Walking the last 3 rounds at the wake, i cannot hold back the tears.
I am a strong girl and don't show my emotions.
Considering i was holding the hand of my pretty 7-yr old cousin,
i didn't want tu shock her with my overwhelming of emotions.
Looking at Gran for the last 3 times, it really hurts
to know that you can no longer see that face of hers, hear
that voice and feel that touch from her.
I regret not cherishing the time i have with her.
She came over to stay when there was this period that
Dad and uncle have tu take turns taking care of Gran.
I remembered how i rejected that idea like it was the worst of my life.
How i dread going home everyday because i dun want tu see her.
How i ignore her calls and pretend i didn't hear.
How i wish the maid could understand her so i dun have tu translate.
How i think she dirty my bed with her medicated oil smell.
How i hated having tu share rooms just because i have tu give up
my room with Meimei for her and the maid.
Then there was this shocking news that she was admitted tu hospital
where all the bad stuff start tu come.
How the doctor said she have less than 3mths and
i was so afraid she would be gone before CNY but she survived that.
Mum said its not good tu die ard big occasions.
She survived CNy but wasn't able tu avoid Qing Ming Festival.
She died on the very last day of Qing Ming.
There was this praying mantis who was discovered by Sebastian on Monday
and after that got scared away when ShuWen tried tu take a pic.
This morning, it was found on the flowers at the hall,
we shook the flowers, disturbed it but it just stayed there.
Left the flowers on the coffin and i went tu take a look.
I saw this amazing thing that happened.
It actually lifted its front legs and brushed past its eye as if
it was wiping away tears. Mum said it could only be two possibilities.
1. Thats great-grandmother
2. Ye Ye came and fetch Great grandma tu be with him
I wished it was the second one of course.
Headed tu the crematorium and the praying mantis was still on the flower.
The uncle covered the coffin with the red cloth and fling the mantis
away from the coffin tu the ground. I actually still saw the mantis stay
put on the ground not moving an inch. After the last rites,
we headed to the viewing hall, the part i dread the most,
walking there, i saw the praying mantis again facing the exit.
I was at the spot where i could see the whole process of the cremation.
Emotions flow throughout the hall as the coffin was moved closer
and closer towards the furnace. The doors opened
and the spark i saw and that was the last i saw of Great Grandma.
5 days at the wake was no easy task,
lack of sleep, lack of food and water,
If there is a next life, i still want her as my GReat Grandma.


Thanks to BF for all the 5days,
sorry i had tu keep disturbing you late at night.
And according tu you, technically you were only thr for 2days
but i think you should know thats quite enough.

Minyi, sorry i haven been texting you.
I think by now you should have known what happen.
I wanted tu text you but the thing is i cannot text often
and i dun want tu let you wait and wait for my reply
which mayb i will be too tired and forgot tu text back.
I miss talking tu you, working and going out with you
but all these will have tu wait.
I still cant get over the death, after the whole process,
i am still overwhelmed by the sudden departure.
I think by now the smiley, joking,nonsensical me wont be seen
as much, i don't think i can take things the same way.
Sometimes, death just shows you a different side of life.