Shocked to see i'm back to posting?
HAHA! My life has been so happening i dun feel like
updating my friends or anyone around me.
Since ppl cant be bothered to ask, i cant be bothered tu tell right?
I mean its not as if i want tu tell too(:
School assignments are flowing in like a massive flood!
I thought it through, thought it well.
Thanks for all the support and encouragement from ppl who knew what happened.
For ppl who don't, well too bad, you are just not updated enough:D
Sometimes, it just takes less than 30 secs for you tu ask 'how have you baan?'
I believe i will tell you everything.
Thats why there are some ppl who knew what happen tu me and some who don't.
If you are still thinking abt the death of my beloved Great Grandma
please get that thought out of your mind(:
Couselling helped alot despite just being one session.
The words said during that half an hr was priceless.
Giving me constant reminder each time i stray from the correct path.
I once thought nobody would be able tu truly feel what i feel
till i met ShiHui who told me she was in the exact same situation.
So many ppl knew what happened tu me but ironically some that i thought
would be in wasn't even considered.
THANKS:
1. MingYang
Accompanied me right from the start! The meet-ups despite
you being tired from your training. Pushing me on when you know
i am already making my mind up tu end it all. Thanks
2.SiJia
Girl, you've been with me way before the death of my Great Grandma.
Walking through all the problems i had. You know them all.
I was totally lost when i lose her but you were there, comforting
me, caring about me, asking and calling when i wasn't in school.
Telling me how worried you were. Sorry for the down period when i promised
i would be in sch but failed tu turn up, i may have let you down but
now i can assure you, i am back on my feet, i won't attempt silly
things or thoughts like what i did in the previous month since the
end of April. Thanks for everything.
3.Amanda
The girl whom i can always rely on. Like SiJia, you were equally worried.
Texts tu ask why i wasn't in sch. I couldn't bring myself tu face up
tu the messages that you, fidelia and sijia sent. Guilty perhaps
that i entertained those silly thoughts of mine. I know you would
be the happiest tu see me get back up. You never abandoned me once despite
all those hard times. Last year, i was in the same grp as you
in projects. You understand my potential and willingness but suddenly
i lost it, you were the most concerned as tu why my drive and motivation was
gone just like that. You made me understand that nothing is impossible.
Sorry for letting you worry as a friend, heartache probably but still THANKS for
all that you have done.
There are many more significant ppl wh have helped. Ms Asha, ShiHui,Minyi<3, Bernice,Fi. Thanks for being in my life, wonderful ppl.
26 May 2010
27 April 2010
Okay, after 5days i am completely drained of energy.
Not even one full day of sleep after adding up
the number of hours that i sleep.
It was unexpected and definitely not what i wished for.
Walking the last 3 rounds at the wake, i cannot hold back the tears.
I am a strong girl and don't show my emotions.
Considering i was holding the hand of my pretty 7-yr old cousin,
i didn't want tu shock her with my overwhelming of emotions.
Looking at Gran for the last 3 times, it really hurts
to know that you can no longer see that face of hers, hear
that voice and feel that touch from her.
I regret not cherishing the time i have with her.
She came over to stay when there was this period that
Dad and uncle have tu take turns taking care of Gran.
I remembered how i rejected that idea like it was the worst of my life.
How i dread going home everyday because i dun want tu see her.
How i ignore her calls and pretend i didn't hear.
How i wish the maid could understand her so i dun have tu translate.
How i think she dirty my bed with her medicated oil smell.
How i hated having tu share rooms just because i have tu give up
my room with Meimei for her and the maid.
Then there was this shocking news that she was admitted tu hospital
where all the bad stuff start tu come.
How the doctor said she have less than 3mths and
i was so afraid she would be gone before CNY but she survived that.
Mum said its not good tu die ard big occasions.
She survived CNy but wasn't able tu avoid Qing Ming Festival.
She died on the very last day of Qing Ming.
There was this praying mantis who was discovered by Sebastian on Monday
and after that got scared away when ShuWen tried tu take a pic.
This morning, it was found on the flowers at the hall,
we shook the flowers, disturbed it but it just stayed there.
Left the flowers on the coffin and i went tu take a look.
I saw this amazing thing that happened.
It actually lifted its front legs and brushed past its eye as if
it was wiping away tears. Mum said it could only be two possibilities.
1. Thats great-grandmother
2. Ye Ye came and fetch Great grandma tu be with him
I wished it was the second one of course.
Headed tu the crematorium and the praying mantis was still on the flower.
The uncle covered the coffin with the red cloth and fling the mantis
away from the coffin tu the ground. I actually still saw the mantis stay
put on the ground not moving an inch. After the last rites,
we headed to the viewing hall, the part i dread the most,
walking there, i saw the praying mantis again facing the exit.
I was at the spot where i could see the whole process of the cremation.
Emotions flow throughout the hall as the coffin was moved closer
and closer towards the furnace. The doors opened
and the spark i saw and that was the last i saw of Great Grandma.
5 days at the wake was no easy task,
lack of sleep, lack of food and water,
If there is a next life, i still want her as my GReat Grandma.
Thanks to BF for all the 5days,
sorry i had tu keep disturbing you late at night.
And according tu you, technically you were only thr for 2days
but i think you should know thats quite enough.
Minyi, sorry i haven been texting you.
I think by now you should have known what happen.
I wanted tu text you but the thing is i cannot text often
and i dun want tu let you wait and wait for my reply
which mayb i will be too tired and forgot tu text back.
I miss talking tu you, working and going out with you
but all these will have tu wait.
I still cant get over the death, after the whole process,
i am still overwhelmed by the sudden departure.
I think by now the smiley, joking,nonsensical me wont be seen
as much, i don't think i can take things the same way.
Sometimes, death just shows you a different side of life.
Not even one full day of sleep after adding up
the number of hours that i sleep.
It was unexpected and definitely not what i wished for.
Walking the last 3 rounds at the wake, i cannot hold back the tears.
I am a strong girl and don't show my emotions.
Considering i was holding the hand of my pretty 7-yr old cousin,
i didn't want tu shock her with my overwhelming of emotions.
Looking at Gran for the last 3 times, it really hurts
to know that you can no longer see that face of hers, hear
that voice and feel that touch from her.
I regret not cherishing the time i have with her.
She came over to stay when there was this period that
Dad and uncle have tu take turns taking care of Gran.
I remembered how i rejected that idea like it was the worst of my life.
How i dread going home everyday because i dun want tu see her.
How i ignore her calls and pretend i didn't hear.
How i wish the maid could understand her so i dun have tu translate.
How i think she dirty my bed with her medicated oil smell.
How i hated having tu share rooms just because i have tu give up
my room with Meimei for her and the maid.
Then there was this shocking news that she was admitted tu hospital
where all the bad stuff start tu come.
How the doctor said she have less than 3mths and
i was so afraid she would be gone before CNY but she survived that.
Mum said its not good tu die ard big occasions.
She survived CNy but wasn't able tu avoid Qing Ming Festival.
She died on the very last day of Qing Ming.
There was this praying mantis who was discovered by Sebastian on Monday
and after that got scared away when ShuWen tried tu take a pic.
This morning, it was found on the flowers at the hall,
we shook the flowers, disturbed it but it just stayed there.
Left the flowers on the coffin and i went tu take a look.
I saw this amazing thing that happened.
It actually lifted its front legs and brushed past its eye as if
it was wiping away tears. Mum said it could only be two possibilities.
1. Thats great-grandmother
2. Ye Ye came and fetch Great grandma tu be with him
I wished it was the second one of course.
Headed tu the crematorium and the praying mantis was still on the flower.
The uncle covered the coffin with the red cloth and fling the mantis
away from the coffin tu the ground. I actually still saw the mantis stay
put on the ground not moving an inch. After the last rites,
we headed to the viewing hall, the part i dread the most,
walking there, i saw the praying mantis again facing the exit.
I was at the spot where i could see the whole process of the cremation.
Emotions flow throughout the hall as the coffin was moved closer
and closer towards the furnace. The doors opened
and the spark i saw and that was the last i saw of Great Grandma.
5 days at the wake was no easy task,
lack of sleep, lack of food and water,
If there is a next life, i still want her as my GReat Grandma.
Thanks to BF for all the 5days,
sorry i had tu keep disturbing you late at night.
And according tu you, technically you were only thr for 2days
but i think you should know thats quite enough.
Minyi, sorry i haven been texting you.
I think by now you should have known what happen.
I wanted tu text you but the thing is i cannot text often
and i dun want tu let you wait and wait for my reply
which mayb i will be too tired and forgot tu text back.
I miss talking tu you, working and going out with you
but all these will have tu wait.
I still cant get over the death, after the whole process,
i am still overwhelmed by the sudden departure.
I think by now the smiley, joking,nonsensical me wont be seen
as much, i don't think i can take things the same way.
Sometimes, death just shows you a different side of life.
23 April 2010
Grandma, i'll miss you every year on this day
23 April, today, Grandma left this world.
I forgot to spend time with her when i can.
I even feel ashamed i disliked her before.
For coming to stay at my house, making me squeeze
in my already very cramped house with sisters.
I always thought how i would feel if she were to leave.
Nothing was what i thought.
But it turns out, it was the opposite.
When i saw the text Mum send me in the morning,
i teared and cried unstoppable for a full hour.
Till my tears all dried up, till i couldn't breathe properly,
till i felt like my world was breaking apart.
A loved one departing is a feeling that everyone dreads.
I was not expecting to see the shocking text.
After crying for half an hr plus, i suddenly felt
i want somebody to talk to, and i went thru my contacts.
BF should be the first one i call but i called and hung up.
In the end, i comfortably called Aloysius,
the one i could always talk tu abt my problems.
Not because i liked him before but because i just felt he would be thr.
True enough, he was. Like always, i tried as hard tu hold back
my tears, trying not tu sound like i was crying.
I think i succeeded but i cut the call quick knowing i was on it again.
R.I.P Grandma. I really don't want to be in the funeral but
i know this is all true, its all happening, undeniable.
I Love You for always
I forgot to spend time with her when i can.
I even feel ashamed i disliked her before.
For coming to stay at my house, making me squeeze
in my already very cramped house with sisters.
I always thought how i would feel if she were to leave.
Nothing was what i thought.
But it turns out, it was the opposite.
When i saw the text Mum send me in the morning,
i teared and cried unstoppable for a full hour.
Till my tears all dried up, till i couldn't breathe properly,
till i felt like my world was breaking apart.
A loved one departing is a feeling that everyone dreads.
I was not expecting to see the shocking text.
After crying for half an hr plus, i suddenly felt
i want somebody to talk to, and i went thru my contacts.
BF should be the first one i call but i called and hung up.
In the end, i comfortably called Aloysius,
the one i could always talk tu abt my problems.
Not because i liked him before but because i just felt he would be thr.
True enough, he was. Like always, i tried as hard tu hold back
my tears, trying not tu sound like i was crying.
I think i succeeded but i cut the call quick knowing i was on it again.
R.I.P Grandma. I really don't want to be in the funeral but
i know this is all true, its all happening, undeniable.
I Love You for always
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)